How to break out of a rut in your relationship?

Recently I was quoted in an article on Bustle titled, “If You're Feeling Bored In Your Relationship, Here Are 9 Ways To Switch Up Your Routine.” Today, I want to elaborate on my thoughts on this topic. Please note some of what I am about to share with you are things I’ve said in the article noted above. Here are some things to try if you feel like your relationship is getting too comfortable and you want to break out of the routine:

1. Start simple.

Part of the difficulty in breaking routines is that people stuck in them don’t know what other options are out there. One suggestion to get away from the rut is to actually start with where you’re at. While it may sound counterintuitive to start with your routine, as you’re trying to get out of it, it might actually be the easiest way to start the process of getting out. For example, if you’re always eating out, and eating at the same places, you might hop online to look for a new place or new type of food that you normally wouldn’t eat. If neither of you can stomach that idea, you might find more comfort in a new experience, but involving something you do enjoy. Who doesn’t like chocolate? Perhaps you can go chocolate tasting or take a trip to go wine-tasting!

Breakfast with fruits and coffee for two

2. Play games and discover.

Along the same lines as that, another idea is to play the “I’ve never… game.” This can be a fun and interactive way of coming up with new things to do together. You get to learn a little bit more about each other and discover possible new and exciting adventures. For example, if you’ve never climbed Mr. Everest, you can turn that answer into the dating idea of hiking together: no need to scale Machu Pichu. This game also has potential to teach you both about what you don’t know. Not a five-star chef? Take a cooking class together. Never been surfing? Surf lessons at the beach can be great times in a beautiful setting.

3. Volunteer together.

Part of being in a rut has to do with not having enough time when responsibilities and “adulting” get in the way. One way to break this routine is to make time to help others. Lots of volunteer programs have hours during weekends and flexible time slots. Serving in a soup kitchen is not only a great bonding experience, but also allows for you two to serve the community together. Of course, these things aren’t in isolation. You can always combine these ideas too. Want to volunteer? Never had a pet? Go volunteering at an animal shelter!

4. Go on double dates.

Getting ideas about what other couples do is also a nice way to break your routine. A great way to do this is to go double dating. You can reconnect with long-time friends you haven’t seen since the last big wedding. Or, if you want to meet new people, joining a social group together is a surefire way to bring some zest into your life.

5. Follow your desires.

Finally, give into your whims. Have you ever thought, “I’d like to just get in the car and drive…?” Well now’s your chance. At worst, you burn some gas that’ll need refilling later; at best, you’ve explored a new area of town or at the very least, had some nice car-chat time.

I hope this post will inspire you and your partner to try new things, discover new things about each other or your relationship, explore, and have fun together.

Writer Bio: Dr. Annie Hsueh, Ph.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist (PSY25708) in the South Bay Los Angeles area. She has dedicated her career towards helping couples develop more joy and connection in their relationships. She sees clients throughout California via secure online therapy platforms.

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